Waking Up Part 2

We are born.

We grow, as children, aligning with the patterns and frequencies of systems created before our birth. They become ingrained within us and manifest themselves as second nature. From the seemingly most mundane systems, such as the intervals of stop lights at an intersection or the single-file, linear processing of items at the check-out lane in a grocery store, all the way up the fractal ladder to the complex give and take of buying and selling in the world's economic market or the intricate web of scheduled airline flights. Without prejudice, we have adopted all these things and in turn are granted the notion of pseudo-freedom: the ability to freely make choices within a set parameter, within the boundaries of accepted rules. The game is set up in a way that one is forced to follow. One has no choice in this. Even within the mind, we have been conditioned and confined through psychological warfare tactics such as advertisements and commercials, the subtle cues of cultural and corporate symbolism, the language used in news stories coupled with emotionally charged photographs. We begin our mornings with an inauspicious demeanor, only to end up brimming over by evening with useless factoidal information and spoon-fed opinions by "authorities" and "experts". The individual is lost in a manufactured electro-pornographic fog. Where once the ego stood as a means of self-preservation and the embodiment of identity, now is a shallow vehicle driven by material gain and consumerism. The essence of our humanity has been intentionally split down the middle and this, this now is the dualistic machine in our present day that confronts us, pits us against each other, and ourselves.

There are those who declare themselves "awake". This term as a finality in one's existence or growth must be abandoned and re-branded into verb form instead of a means to describe one's state. Awakening. We are in the process of awakening. The eyes of individuals may be opening and each day that greets us allows for them to open a little more. Each new discovery or revelation is a finite point, a capstone on the succession of pyramids of one's awakening, like the all-seeing eye, an illuminated window shining into the soul. Beneath is the structure of hard evidence, spiritual desires, and personal interpretations creating the singularity of a truth. That truth then becomes one of many, and as well, a foundation block to the greater mystery. Together, they unite the split, dualistic, manufactured identity of the modern human condition. In other words, we are made whole again.

We may be labeled with derogatory terms such as conspiracy theorists, wearers of tin foil hats, nut jobs, wackos, and a multitude of other words used to push us to the fringes of our social groups. We've become ostracized in such a way so that we can be packaged into a tidy subculture, easily used for media amusements or establishment agendas. They will ridicule us and provoke us into becoming reactionary. They will polarize us through blatant displays of corruption, greed, and injustice. Our job is to be vigilant and take note of the propaganda that is pushed on us, realize the farce of politics as a system of slave management, and recognize our economic and monetary system for the invisible debt prison it has become. How easily we have embraced these systems and now regard them as necessary and integral to our existence. Waking up is the process of acknowledgment and shedding of these systems. The three main nodes a person encounters within this process are denial, acceptance, and action. 

Denial is, of course, the healthy starting point to the big picture. It means the brain is struggling with the fact that there are unanswered questions in the worldview of the individual but a good deal of effort must be made to move past this stage. There are protective measures that evolve during one's programming that then act as a security enforcement of the comfort so many of us remember prior to witnessing so many truths. And yes, many times, many of us can be envious of that comfort, that warm place in which we were so assured of everything in our lives. One must be skeptical of all that surrounds, but mostly the smug righteousness of the materialistic modern ego. Denial, in the context of this process, can then easily manifest out of fear of the breakdown of that ego, the fear of ridicule, the fear of the unknown and what lies ahead for the individual. It can be daunting to look in the mirror and have a true acceptance that everything you knew and how you came to know it is utterly false and does not exist in the way you thought. Think about your upbringing, education, relationships, and employment and go deep into the concepts and core of those things. At the base level, the lies and deceit become evident though, most of it is not intended or specifically directed at you. These are perceptions and ideals that have been inherited through generations. As an rudimentary example, everyone knows that Christopher Columbus did not discover America and through a simple investigation one can discover the facts behind this. Yet, this is still the standard teaching in schools everywhere. You can also see that, in addition to lies, campaigns of avoidance are being propagated throughout our society. Given the previous example of Christopher Columbus, we are never taught about the genocide inflicted upon the native peoples. How are we to accept this seeing the conflict of interests within the institutions we've come to trust? All that we have known is based upon surface-level ideologies driven by the agendas of people with power and money. Once we begin to recognize this pattern in everything else, and as a result, verify for ourselves the misleading and distracting nature of our reality, we can finally move past the denial and into acceptance. 

The stage of accepting the shift in one's paradigm is relatively brief. This is a moment of stasis and reflection, a time for saying our farewell speech to the inauthentic and false doctrines of archaic institutions. Wave goodbye to being compliant with explanations handed down by the old gatekeepers of information. Look to the road of action ahead and to opening the doors of truth that lie in wait. It is not uncommon to experience anger, depression, and even guilt in the recounting of one's life up until this moment. But, as with everything in life, this is only temporary. You will begin to experience regular synchronicities: moments when the universe and its energies perfectly align with your thoughts, interests, and priorities and are seemingly mirrored in your everyday environment. These are affirmations and omens that the path you now walk is supported, or rather encouraged, by Spirit. This path is the course of awakening. The negative emotions you may have felt must be channeled and focused into productive activities that lift you higher and thus enabling the path of least resistance. When speaking of resistance here, it is not to say you will not encounter opposition or conflict, instead it is meant that your heart and intent will sail smoothly onward. Take notice of your new found inner peace. Notice how your mind and body no longer seem to swim against the current of the universal flow. You have attained acceptance of the world's theater, of the facade that clouds our daily vision from seeing or appreciating our true nature.

After the struggles of denial and acceptance, one becomes empowered to take action in the midst of their awakening. Once again, we must come to acknowledge that everything is based on frequency. Violence and acts of hate, or directed negative emotions are of primitive, low frequencies and must be abstained from except in times of absolute need. We do not and can not discard these aspects of our being as they are inherent and serve purpose in moments when we need them to but it is unhealthy to form the majority of one's existence around them. We may call upon these negative energies in a life or death confrontation, when our ability for self-preservation is threatened. 

It is possible to steer away from consuming impulses that are detrimental to ourselves and raise our frequency to a level where the whole of the being no longer thrives on those low vibrations. This can be accomplished in a number of ways including meditation. Meditation also helps to find direction when too many distractions are bombarding you and keeping you from finding and staying on your path. This is the principle behind the practice and is shown to be effective in religious faiths around the world. By adopting meditation as a regular part of your daily routine, you're also helping to insure that the awakening process continues and prevents you from slipping back into the brainwashed state from whence you came. 

But, this is often not enough in terms of action. The individual tends to feel an obligation to help others in their awakening. Activism can play a key role in this but there are many pitfalls associated with it. As seen with numerous groups previously such as the Occupy movement, Black Panthers, and even the ufo organization MUFON, it has been proven that at some point they are infiltrated and their ideals ultimately compromised by intelligence agencies and rival groups. This is then followed by by disinformation to sway public opinion and once more it becomes easy to control, monitor, and define the group's activities. The group or individuals within it can just as well become patsies for an Hegelian Dialectic agenda. Aside from these obvious issues with activism, it's also very easy for the person in the awakening mode to become too focused on whatever issue they've decided to stand with and thus stifling their further growth. It might as well be just another method for putting on blinders and going back to sleep. The best advice is to contribute by calling attention to issues and then keep moving and researching for truths. Activists are definitely needed in our society to fight against injustices but we are in a different category. We are people striving for our own personal ascension and then to seek out and do the same for others. We search for all the puzzle pieces and for alternative ways to put them together. 

Ultimately, and seeing the current state of affairs, the greatest course of action is quite possibly devoting oneself to waking others up. By no means is this an easy task especially when you can think back to how difficult this was for yourself. You will come to recognize all the same traits and trials that you went through previously. However, this should only encourage you and embolden you to creatively venture out into multiple methods of attempt. It's quite common these days to reach out by starting a podcast, writing a blog or a book, or even joining forums to distribute the same facts that got you thinking in the first place. Don't worry about how many people you may or may not reach or even the criticism you might face. Stand your ground and if what you say or do gets just one person to question the sleeping life they live, then you've succeeded. Most will need a gentle yet persistent nudging to have their eyes opened, some will need to be stirred with a strong voice of alarm. The key is to just continue on with passion and surround yourself with those who are finding out their own truths. The work here lends itself best to one on one interaction and we reap the most reward by furthering the concepts of the individual, personal freedoms, spiritual awareness, and reclaiming the natural human condition in accordance with our relationship to the Earth. 

The choices we have before us are vast and the road is long but waking up is of the utmost importance to the human species. It is critical for our long term survival that we break the invisible chains of bondage we have come to so willingly accept. Nothing in this world lasts forever as civilizations rise and fall, landscapes are altered by climate and war, and those corrupt rulers of the masses eventually die, rot, and fade from memory. Nothing, save the perseverance of the human race to meet every challenge that befalls us across time eternal. 

We are reborn. 

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Salvia Divinorum

DISCLAIMER: Each individual human being has a body, mind, soul, and consciousness. These are the sovereign properties of the individual and thus we have the inherent right to choose the paths, substances, practices, beliefs, etc. we deem fit in order for us to either better ourselves as human beings, learn about our personal identity, or learn about the world in which we exist. The information provided in the following article is only to convey my own personal experience, the path I chose to walk, and how it relates only to myself. It is up to the individual to make their own responsible and informed decisions and I hold no claim to the actions or outcomes of anyone else's modus operandi.

Learn about Salvia Divinorum at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvia_divinorum

Summer, 2003. I began my affair with salvia in early summer, researching online, discovering it was legal, and trying to decide from where to purchase it from. The majority of info I came across compared it to cannabis with having a slight psychedelic element and that immediately prompted my interest in wanting to experiment with it. I found an online store based in Madison, Wisconsin that claimed to have 10th generation (or something of the sort) offspring plants from Albert Hofmann's original salvia plants, also known as the Wasson-Hofmann strain. I think reading that solidified the deal and I ordered a half ounce of regular leaf and a packet of 30x extract leaf. Anxiously, and with a bit of paranoia about mail ordering a psychedelic substance, I waited for it to arrive.

Several days later as I walked up to my house, home from a practice session with the band I was in at the time, I noticed a manila package stuffed into the little mailbox designated for my upper unit. I contained the rush of excitement, nervousness, and curiosity that swept over me and focused that into strict willful intent and plant reverence. 

Briskly heading upstairs, I went in and called my friend (who I'll call "R") and made plans to stop by later that night to test out my newly acquired stash. I decided then that I would get a head start and sample a portion of the regular leaf material. 

SESSION 1 - My introduction to the plant

I had made the decision earlier on that I would not smoke any weed the day of salvia experimentation so my experience would be unclouded but I was wanting to smoke something. I sat on the couch and pulled the half ounce bag to my lap along with my small brass pipe. Rustling through the leaves, I felt they were dry and brittle, having an organic and herbal smell, like something I would cook with. I chose a few leaves and mashed them into the pipe. Next, I grabbed my butane lighter, put the pipe to my mouth and took a long slow drag. I savored it in order to judge the taste. It was a little harsh and had a slight metallic taste but I could feel the effect within a few seconds. This wasn't the buzz I was used to with cannabis, and although not entirely unpleasant, it was not the comforting release of muscle tension associated with bud. This was an entirely new entity I was being introduced to. My vision was mildly distorted in the sense that I seemed to be peering through a fish-eye lens, almost an aura of being underwater. Overall, I could compare this first session to a mild combination of cannabis and nitrous oxide, with a bit of a "mechanical" vibe to it. I'm not sure how to explain that last part any better but I definitely put some gears into motion, or at least glimpsed the spirit within the plant now that I had awoken her and called attention to myself and my motivations. The buzz disintegrated within about six to seven minutes and I was back to my normal self, ready for more...

SESSIONS 2 AND 3 - A couple steps closer

I grabbed the two packages of salvia - one, a puffy half ounce zip-lock bag of dried leaves and the other, a tiny zip-lock packet containing the few grams of what looked to be finely ground 30x extract leaf material - and assessed my state of mind and physical ability to drive. My senses appeared to be fully intact and I headed down the stairs, got in my car, and started the 15 minute drive to R's house.

At this point, it was dark outside and the drive was uneventful. I arrived at R's place, a mutual friend (who I'll call "B") was there sitting in a chair playing a video game called Civilization on the Playstation, and I took a spot next to R on the couch. We had the lights turned off except for the glow of the television and I unveiled my vegetative treasure. I asked B if he was going to participate but he declined as he didn't want to take any chances with an upcoming drug test for a job he was starting soon. R then handed me his pipe, and after revealing my initial experience, I packed it full of the regular leaves. We took turns, with R smoking the bowl first and me observing and waiting until his whole session was done. From what I remember, he had a similar effect as I did in Session 1. I was up next and I filled the pipe, making sure I was going to ingest more material than the first time. The sensation came on instantly as I cashed the bowl. I was sitting with my eyes closed, an amorphous space of darkness in front of me, when B said something about making a city in the game he was playing. Immediately, a first-person vision emerged of me standing on a boardwalk by the sea. Old buildings manifested on my right with the water on my left and I noticed I was walking on a cobblestone street in what could have been a seaside town in centuries-old England. The detail was incredible and as I walked, it became apparent that I was a small child, my left hand holding the right hand of an unseen adult. As we progressed down the street on this misty, overcast day, I felt my body become less heavy and I started walking into the air. Each footstep carried me upwards to the sky on invisible stairs with the scenery and buildings eventually seen from above. Just past the rooftops, my eyes slowly opened, the humming of this vision fading away like a dream. I realized that during this scenario my thoughts were completely sober, as well as my sense of hearing, and putting the puzzle of my vision together I concluded that salvia trips were very sensitive to audio input. I thought this was an interesting observation.

In round two, R and I decided to try some of the 30x mixed with the regular stuff and see what happens. Again, he went first and unfortunately I don't recall the details of his session except that he felt "close to reaching something". I went through the same protocol, this time adding a pinch of 30x extract on top of my leafy portion. My sensation this time around was more ambiguous, more dream-like, but I remember being outside of a large circular concrete building that had a metal awning-type structure under which I stood. There was a blue door with no handle on it and I had the notion that I couldn't get in and resolved to hang out by myself. Feeling a little down, I stood and listened. Instead of actual sound there was the impression of sound, like there was a party with music happening on the other side of the door. It was low and muffled and no discernible details were evident. I came out of this vision much like the last one with my eyes coming open and the images dissipating quickly. Normal consciousness resumed, although, overall I really felt that it had not been greatly disturbed thus far with smoking salvia.

I stayed for another half hour or so before deciding to call it a night and return home. We came to the conclusion that while salvia didn't seem intense in and of itself, there were very interesting properties about it and could warrant trying it out once in awhile.

SESSION 4 - Naked at the carnival

Some of my psychedelic inspired artwork.

After I got back home, I milled about for awhile recalling the night's escapades. Something was irritating me, something like unfinished business. I wasn't sure what to do as I, like R, felt so close to reaching or achieving a goal and finally decided I was going to rid myself of the "what if" that was eating away at me and go for broke into the unexplored region of hyperspace. Now that I was alone, I set about to prepare my space. I lit a small tealight candle and placed it in a corner, pulled a dining room chair into the living room and put it in front of the stereo system, and moved a side table next to the chair. I positioned things like this so I could plug in and wear my big over-the-ear headphones and listen to something while partaking in this ritual. The table was set with my pipe and stash and I filled the bowl with a lesser amount of regular leaf material and the rest with the 30x. I made another little pile just the same as was in the pipe, ready to be scooped up and smoked consecutively with the first bowl. In the cd player, I put in a disc of nature sounds, specifically a soundtrack of thunderstorms and rain as I didn't want to be influenced by any certain song. The lights went out, I sat at my improvised psychedelic smoking station, and donned the headphones.

I took several deep breaths and brought the pipe to my lips. Within one great inhalation I disintegrated the entire contents, tapped out the ashes onto the table, and packed the next one right away as I exhaled. Another fantastic toke was taking place and right before I was able to finish the second bowl everything stopped. I had not even become aware that I was transitioning into such a psychedelic state. I heard the rain and distant thunder in my headphones but it was almost background noise and this time I kept my eyes open. In front of me spiraled a giant translucent chrysanthemum, a brief but beautiful image of organic geometric cohesiveness. This lasted but a moment as it moved closer and shapeshifted. I was soon enveloped by this thing as it became a holographic representation of my brain and I was sitting in it looking out. Within the semi-darkness of the room it glowed with faint purples, blues, and greens. This vision then faded as I found myself to be seated on a stage in a theater, an audience of a couple hundred people in front of me applauding. I think I grinned but didn't know why I was being applauded. The grip of the headphones over my skull made me itch and I grabbed them and carelessly tossed them to the ground yet everyone still clapped. It was then I had the feeling I wasn't alone. My peripheral vision caught the appearance of someone standing to the right of me, slightly back. This being is what I've come to refer to as "The Tall Man". He was all black, a faceless shadow, yet I could tell he was dressed in the uniform of a circus ringmaster. How strange it was that his top hat scrunched against the height of my ceiling. Was he physically in the room with me? A voice entered my mind, "Welcome to the carnival! We're all so glad you made it! We've much to show you!" There was more to this telepathic conversation as I'm sure I was talking back but this was a chaotic moment within the trip. The Tall Man made no movements and just stood there. The audience calmed down to a distant echo. I then wondered to myself how long had it been that I was tripping this hard? Flashes of scorching heat swept over my body and I peeled the clothes from me and flung them to wherever they might land. An instantaneous fleeting thought of needing help, of calling R to come save me from this insanity, came and went. The Tall Man was gone and I sat there naked and had my next thought that I should go outside for a walk. "Wait! No! Don't do that you fucking idiot! Why not? It's a pleasant summer night and going for a walk would feel so nice! No, you better sit right where you are and forget about it!" This continued for a minute longer as I couldn't believe I was actually having an argument with myself.

My living room surroundings faded into view. I glanced about, barely able to move, without clothes, and slithered over to the couch. Normal reality came back like coming up for air after holding my breath in a swimming pool. I checked the time on the VCR below my television and it had been just over nine minutes since I left the planet. I made it back alive and I'm very happy I had been physically unable to go out for a nighttime walk.


While only a relatively short trip, salvia immediately became the most intense psychedelic experience I've ever had in my life so far. It blew away my numerous interactions with mushrooms and LSD by any measure and should not be taken lightly. In retrospect I should have had a babysitter but the majority of times I've taken these substances has been by myself, mostly to avoid distractions and perhaps not wanting to be judged for what might be deemed strange behavior. I'm a creative person and I like to involve myself with thinking, drawing, writing, and music and during these experiences I tend to get fully immersed. Let me tell you, Session 4 was full immersion. To this day I will swear that the Tall Man physically manifested into my living room...or perhaps instead it was me that went to the carnival. One day I may return, now that I have the key to the blue door...

New to CBD?

AltrusianGrace.com is now live

I am pleased to announce that AltrusianGrace.com is now live! Use it to get to your new favorite blog...

I also wanted to let everyone know that coming within the next week I am hoping to have two more extensive new blog posts. One will be about salvia divinorum and I'll also have another post about what it means to be AWAKE. 

More Drones....

Yes, for sure my wife and son both saw two plane-style drones today flying at about bird flight elevation. Wtf?

(Edit: the second drone, I found out, was more teardrop shaped and the wires and mechanics of it were visible to an extent. )


After work and sitting on the porch, my wife tells me she thinks she saw a drone earlier this afternoon traveling northeast. Just then I spot what looks like a white jet flying east however, no contrails. It disappeared into a cloud. I waited and it never came out the other side. Within five minutes, to my surprise another approached from the south going north. It looked to be at the same altitude and had the same appearance. Again, no contrails and it made its way into a puff of clouds.  According to its trajectory, I should have seen it come out the other side. It did not. It was almost as if it entered the cloud and then remained within. Both of these looked and acted the same as the one my wife saw. I'm no expert on drones but I know a jet when I see one and I know the normal contrails that are supposed to follow. No contrails from any of these whatsoever but I don't know if those bigger UAVs emit them at all. Maybe someone can fill me in. I look at the sky much more than the average person and trust me when I say that I'm familiar with what flies around in my neck of the woods. These things seemed out of place. If they are drones, they were the agricultural or military type for sure but I don't think the agricultural ones fly that high or in those directions. Lake Michigan is that way...

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